I experienced several events of grief and loss recently, which caught up with me and spiraled me into a depressed state. I suddenly found myself crying, not wanting to be around people and began cancelling engagements with friends. I have spent most of my life holding my feelings in to protect others and be the peacekeeper.
I found myself being very judgmental of others as well as myself. Why was I judging others, why compare myself to them? How could someone who helps others on their healing journey be depressed? This is not the person I knew, nor wanted to be.
My late brother, Chuck, came to me in a dream during that time. There was no message, just his presence. It’s been years since Chuck has visited me in my dreams. His death was related to a drug overdose when I was 17. We were the middle boy and girl in a family of 6 children. We were close growing up.
I had been working with a Cranial Sacral & Somato-Emotional Release Therapist a few weeks before this happened as I am fascinated by this work. Both therapies are gentle, non-invasive body-mind techniques to resolve physical symptoms and emotional trauma, respectively.
At my next visit with Rene, I shared the events and losses, as well as my visit from Chuck. As I lay on the treatment table, the tears began to fall. Rene encouraged me to allow the process to unfold and made sure that I felt safe and protected. During the session, Chuck came to me and reminded me that I did not judge his death, nor should I judge myself or anyone else, to let it go and be free from feeling judged, from judging or comparing others and to trust what unfolds during this session.
As Rene placed his hands above and below my Sacral Chakra, he invited me to share what I was thinking and experiencing. I told him the area felt very blue and glue-like. I began to cry harder as I was missing my husband, Shelton, and feeling scared of what the future holds for me. Rene encouraged a dialogue between Shelton and I, which provided a great deal of comfort, and released the overwhelming sadness and fear that had bubbled up inside me. We then began to fill this space with Peace, Happiness and Compassion. My Heart Chakra, which had felt tight and closed, began to open and expand. The word, Forgiveness, was ever present. My entire being relaxed and I felt myself breathing deeply and effortlessly. I felt so free and loved, at peace and happy.
Being self-aware, being mindful, moving forward and forgiving myself, as well as sending love to others or situations that were causing me to feel in a place of judgment are the lessons I learned from this experience.
Make no judgments, make no comparisons, delete the need to understand – wisdom from teacher, W. Brugh Joy, MD.